I’ve been lectured by strangers, been accused of being a broken woman, and been told I’ll never understand what true love is, all because of a decision my husband and I made after many (many) discussions. And while our family and friends already know (and for the most part accept our decision even if they don’t all fully understand,) it still never fails to surprise me how harsh we’re usually treated whenever someone new hears it. So when Ez sent me an email about a blog concept entitled “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You*,” I knew exactly what I wanted to write about.
I just wasn’t sure I had the courage to actually share it with you all because I wasn’t sure how you’d would react.
You see, my husband and I made the decision not to have children. (And for all curious, yes we discussed this before marriage.)
I know we are not the only couple who has ever made this decision (I actually have friends and family members who have made the same one) but it seemed any time we’d tell someone, we were looked at like some kind of freaks. People didn’t understand why we’d choose that and many seemed really angry with us. They assumed that our decision meant we hated kids, that we didn’t think other people should have kids, or that we wouldn’t be happy for them if/when they had children of their own-all of which are completely untrue. (We’re actually really excited to throw showers and then spoil the crap out of our nieces or nephews- whether they are blood related or simply linked by love.)
And despite being completely secure in our decision, it’s still hard to have a stranger (or someone close to you) say that you and your husband are making a huge mistake, that we’ll change our minds (which side note, pretty much means that you don’t think the person is capable of making decisions or that you’ll gloat if they ever did change their minds) or interrogate us like we’d broken some kind of unwritten law.
But looking back, I’m actually really grateful for having experienced it (and I guess, continuing to experience it.) It’s made me a stronger and more secure person, it’s further strengthened my marriage, and it’s taught me that not everyone will like what you do, who you are, or what you stand for, but that in the end you still have to be true to yourself. Which is exactly why I decided to share this with you all. Because whether you’ve been in my exact situation or just in a situation where you maybe felt attacked, judged or alone for following your heart, I wanted you to know you’re not alone in the feeling. We’ve all been there to some extent.
Thanks for letting me share you guys and don’t forget to go check out what everyone else wrote about too.
*The concept of “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You” was inspired by this Jess LC’s post, and you can read more about the it on Ez’s blog after 1pm EST today, but the basic idea is to show a more realistic look into our lives- instead of the perfected versions that are often portrayed on the internet. The lives where our laundry isn’t always folded and color coordinated, dinners aren’t always spectacular and styled, and where we’re met with real situations that aren’t all rainbows and glitter.)